I have some travel guide books about Poland which I've flipped through and when I get to the "dress" part of the tips the guide books assure me that fashion in Poland is similar to fashion in the United State. Now this, I know, must be utter bullshit. Whenever I see European tourists here in lovely, scenic and ghetto DC, I can pick them out from three blocks away. How can you tell a European tourist from your regular Midwestern-on-summer-vacation-to-see-the-nation's-capital-oh-and-is-there-any-parking-for-my-station-wagon-near-the-Capitol tourist?
European tourists are skinnier. Yeah, yeah Americans are fatasses but man, Europeans would be too if only they knew the goodness of cheesesteaks, Wing Zone, Frito pies and peanut butter.
European tourists have an affinity for high waisted pants. Despite what Lucky magazine said two months ago, high waisted pants will never be popular in the United States again. Well not as long as I'm around.
European tourists wear fanny packs. Yes, I wore a fanny pack when I was in the UK because I was deathly scared of pickpockets (there weren't any) and yes I wore a fanny pack in Cedar Point so I could ride with all my crap on the roller coasters but here in DC, you don't really see fanny packs except on the European.
So Crac and I, in an effort to not stick out too much, have bought colorful skirts like the ones we have seen in pictures of Poland. So I bought the skirt pictured from the hottest LA boutique, Intuition. It is an "ethnic print" skirt. Which ethnicity? I dunno, but if anyone asks, I'm going to say it is Polish.
Let me tell you this, I am so excited I can barely keep my panties on.
CHICAGO - Mexico plays Poland on Wednesday night at Solider Field in an exhibition game to prepare the teams for upcoming World Cup qualifiers.
Mexico (2-0-1), which beat the United States 2-1 in Mexico City last month, leads the North and Central and Caribbean region with seven points and plays its next qualifier June 4 at Guatemala (1-1-1).
Poland (5-1), second in Europe's Group Six behind England (5-0-1), plays its next qualifier June 4 at last-place Azerbaijan (0-4-2).
Mexico's roster includes just four players who started against the United States: defenders Salvador Carmona, Ricardo Osorio and Carlos Salcido, and midfielder Francisco Fonseca. Poland's roster also includes four starters from its last qualifier: Tomasz Klos, Marcin Baszczynsku, Tomasz Kielbowicz and forward Tomas Frankowski.
The nations haven't played since a 0-0 tie at Oakland, Calif., in 1993. The game follows a Major League Soccer matchup between the Chicago Fire and New England Revolution.
Looks like fun, huh? Cracola and I get the pleasure of reading this ominous looking book along with other fascinating books you haven't ever heard of and that haven't quite made the New York Times bestseller list likeEuropean Community: Selected Documents, Cases, Materials and Texts on Legal Problems of International Economic Relations and 2002 Documents Supplement to International Economic Relations.
Well, I mean they might of. But the point is neither Crac or I know anything about who discovered Poland. And why did Poland need to be discovered anyways? Isn't it attached by land to the classical world? A better question would be when will Poland discover peanut butter so that Cracola and I can have something to eat?
When we are not getting people coming to this site looking for Polish Pornography, we are getting people searching for "who discovered Poland". I can just picture some kid turning in a paper which says something "POLAND WAS DISCOVERED BY VIKINGS".
Listen kids, don't use Google for your homework. Back when Crac and I were writing bullshit reports on countries for school there was no Google. Imagine that? I had to walk 12 miles in the snow with no shoes on because my parents were too poor to afford shoes for me just to go to the library to do research for my paper. I mean we had it rough. So do it the old fashioned way, go to the library, find these things that they call books use them instead of the internet. Doing it this way will build character and put some hair on your chest. Or something...
Cracow Couture and I have some serious shopping to do if we want to blend with the masses. I truly want to experience life as a local rather than a tourist and I feel this will be best achieved if Cracow Couture and I purchase colourful skirts, learn to dance and hold hands wherever we go. Slim Shady will never know the truth!
Oh thank heaven I can sell all my vintage New Kids on the Block merchandise and old Nintendo games this summer to the unsuspecting Poles now that Ebay, much like Cracola and I, has not forgotten Poland!
Ok so down the page under my rant about how the only things to eat in Poland are beets and pork, it was suggested to Cracola and I that we try halushka (which I have admittedly only heard called halushki).
Look, I am not only a woman of the world, I am a woman of Pennsylvania (with their large Polish population) and I have had, in my sheltered little life the dish called halushka. Or halushki. And when I say "had" I mean "was in the vicinity of". Because, like I told Cracola, halushka smells like a three week old boiled cat and doesn't look much better.