Babes in Poland

Of Sidewalks and Side Streets

Cracola almost got hit by a motorcycle yesterday. Now, you might say, well, she should have gotten out of the street, but our dear Cracola was on the sidewalk. Here, in lovely and scenic Cracow, they drive on the sidewalks. Drive on the sidewalks, park on the sidewalks and even DOUBLE park on the sidewalks.

Good Advice

So I have asked for advice about Poland and have received the following tip from a guy who does nothing but follow me around and fight with me:

"I was there..in 1992, when they still had, like, gulags and shit. The only advice I have is keep your head down, don't eat the moldy bread, and when you get in, the first thing you will want to do is find the craziest, biggest looking motherfather in there and beat his ass. That way, the screws and the cons will respek you, yo."

Sounds like good advice to me.

And Introducing, Cracola

Cracola is a very mysterious girl.  So mysterious, in fact, that there are no known pictures of her.  Except one.

Correction #2: Vikings Did Not Discover Poland

Well, I mean they might of. But the point is neither Crac or I know anything about who discovered Poland.    And why did Poland need to be discovered anyways? Isn't it attached by land to the classical world? A better question would be when will Poland discover peanut butter so that Cracola and I can have something to eat?

When we are not getting people coming to this site looking for Polish Pornography, we are getting people searching for "who discovered Poland".  I can just picture some kid turning in a paper which says something "POLAND WAS DISCOVERED BY VIKINGS". 

Listen kids, don't use Google for your homework.  Back when Crac and I were writing bullshit reports on countries for school there was no Google.  Imagine that?  I had to walk 12 miles in the snow with no shoes on because my parents were too poor to afford shoes for me just to go to the library to do research for my paper. I mean we had it rough.  So do it the old fashioned way, go to the library, find these things that they call books use them instead of the internet.  Doing it this way will build character and put some hair on your chest.  Or something...

You've got a friend in Poland

So we have discovered a super secret Polish information source (rather he discovered us) named Krys.  He has actually been to Poland (and survived) and had many useful tips to share with us.  We are very, very appreciative of this. 

I am concerned, however, that he in no uncertain terms told us that we would likely starve to death unless we ate beets and pork while we were over there.