There are these two guys in our class who sit in front of us and we cannot stand them. And while we can’t stand anyone in our class, we have a special burning hate for Brandy.
First of all they are 1Ls, but not just any 1Ls- 1Ls who rock it nightstyle and don’t have day jobs. They go to the bar after class every night, get destroyed and don’t wake up until 3 or 4 and then go to class. Wash, rinse, repeat every single weekday.
Secondly, they wear 7 For All Mankind jeans. 7s for men cost around $150-$200. No straight man should wear 7s. Ever.
Lastly, they are rich little frat daddies who are living off their parents. They own 4 Rolexes between them, drive BMWs and look like they stepped out of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog.
Not that we are bitter, or anything.
Brandy, as we have so dubbed them, is a mixture of their names. They cannot be separated, you cannot have one without the other and we cannot escape them since they are sat right in front of us for 4 hours a day.
And they are total girls. For example-
Brandy got here a week before classes started and hung out at the Radisson, drinking and whoring every night. This drinking and whoring is a dirty, dirty, business so they needed to get their Abercrombie shirts washed. The took 10 shirts to the Radisson front desk and asked for them to be washed and pressed. The next day they went back to get the clothes and the bill was 900 zloty.
$300 for 10 shirts.
Now $300 is nothing for Brandy to come up with but it was the principle that washing 10 shirts could not possibly cost $300 that got Brandy’s panties in a bunch. They yelled at the Radisson people (in, I am sure, a very breathy, womanly voice) and the Radisson kicked them out.
So here they are on the streets of Cracow, no room, no clothes, nothing but a wallet full of cash and an American Express Black card. Poor Brandy.
But desperation can lead to great ideas. (Remember my idea of lighting the mop on fire?) Brandy got one of those great ideas- to make like ET and phone home.
One of Brandy’s parents is a United States Congressman. And of course, rather than just manning up and paying the bill, they decide to get Congress to declare war on the Radisson.
Congressman Brandy Daddy calls the head of Radisson North America who shits his pants and calls the head of Radisson Europe and demands that Brandy be let back into the hotel and their laundry returned to them immediately.
And since nothing gets by Brandy, they decide that for the duration of their trip they will do no laundry and instead just throw away the clothes when they get dirty. Every week they get a care package from one of Brandy’s stepmothers full of a new supply of clothes from Tyson’s Corner.
We got a new professor this week for our trade class. Now, instead of 4 hours of Professor Dracula, we only have 2 hours and then 2 hours of a former KGB agent telling us how to make bombs.
Yes, you read that right, we are learning bomb making skills. Today, we learned that if you put champagne and aspirin together you can get an explosion. What that has to do with international trade, I have no idea.
There she go talkin' her mess
All around town makin' me stress
I need to get this off my chest
And if her friend want some then she'll be next
It really ain't that complicated
Y'all walking round looking all frustrated
Want some plex come on let's make it
Ya acting real hard but I know ya fakin'
Well, I picked a fight today and tomorrow I'm going to have to kick some ass or rather big and mean Cracola is going to have to do it for me.
There is this girl in our class (and I don't want to pull rank but she is a 1L) who I cannot stand and who I will call Jane even though her real name is Alexis.
So Jane thinks she knows everything about European Union Law when actually Jane knows nothing about European Union Law. Now I don't care if people spout off in class, I don't care much about class at all but when Jane, with her awful voice, raises her hand and begins to spew out crap in a tone that makes me look up from my National Enquirer or History of Opus Dei book, well, that agression cannot stand.
So today, I used my brains for good instead of evil and demolished her stupid point in front of the whole class. The back row gave me an ovation. Professor Dracula smiled and said "Good point."
But Jane, Jane does not appreciate a sharp tongue and instead of being woman enough to come up to me after class, she had her friend come up and accost me.
Yes, we are in high school, folks.
Jane's friend, who I'll call Kim since I don't actually know her name, came up to me and said, "You're so mean. Why are you so mean?"
"I dunno, maybe because I like to feast upon the black souls of the 1Ls who know nothing about law?"
So she challenged me to a fight tomorrow under the bleachers after school. I'm supposed to come alone but I slipped Crac a zloty to come unleash her Welsh fury upon this girl.
It is hard to understand Professor Dracula in our classes and the Polish students answer all the questions so Crac and I are usually lost. But there is one American kid in our class who seems to know everything about the EU. At our class break, Cracola very subtlely made his aquaintance by yelling, "HEY! HEY YOU! WHAT IS YOUR NAME? YEAH, YOU!"
We bargained with him that if he drew us graphs and charts about the EU, we would let him watch our 91 channels of pornography.
I don't want to be snarky (ok I do, I really, really do) but we got a map of Cracow in the mail and our apartment is closer to our classes than the dorms. So not only are the fools in the dorm getting the pleasure of paying $3,000 US (87,987 zlotys) each for the pleasure of showering with a hose but they also have a hike to get up to school.
I have no idea what that picture says however I am putting it here because it appears to be in Polish and I found it in a Google Image Search for "useless".
Yesterday marked the very first time I received a useful piece of information about the Poland program from my school. Keep in mind, Crac and I have been involved and begging for information since December.
Now I don't want to complain about the administration of the school here but I just want to say that if I acted this way in my day job (you know the one where I'm not an international woman of mystery/law student) then I would have been fired a long time ago.
Lost: One administrative law final. Last seen ejecting itself from a convertible speeding over the 14th Street Bridge. May be floating in the Potomac River. Test contains very little actual knowledge of administrative law and is of no value to anyone. If found, please return to cracow_couture.
Looks like fun, huh? Cracola and I get the pleasure of reading this ominous looking book along with other fascinating books you haven't ever heard of and that haven't quite made the New York Times bestseller list likeEuropean Community: Selected Documents, Cases, Materials and Texts on Legal Problems of International Economic Relations and 2002 Documents Supplement to International Economic Relations.